Carlal’s Weblog

A suburban mom, her family, her life, and her world views.

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Yeah, I still love him…Part 3 but is my love going to be enough?

This is my third post on this topic. But today I am going to write on a more intimate subject. My husband is eight years my senior, he will soon be 50 and at the end of the year, I will turn 42. Our entire relationship we have had a very satisfactory sex life. It was not for this reason that he stepped outside of our marriage. I am not meaning to boast about my ability to please my husband sexually, but I am not shy when it comes to expressing my sensuality and I never was so with my husband.  As of the last two months however, my husband has not been able to control his orgasms. It seems as if quite soon after my body begins to rise to a point of stimulation, that in times past, would push both of us into wanting to pleasure the other more, my husband will ask me not to move my hips like that, because he will let go. Well, of course I want the lovemaking to last a bit longer, so I pull back, and let him do the moving. Well, needless to say, this takes away from my pleasure.  So, I just lay there, feeling like a peice of meat, and then he screams and it’s over.

Not, only that, but the frequency of sex has declined also. I am still a young woman, and I would like to make love more than three times a month. He swears that he has no other sex partners, and I want to believe him. But it is hard to understand how he has so quickly gone from a man who could have my body tremor for hours after our lovemaking, and one who wanted to make love almost nightly, turn into a man who cannot even take me near a point of excited anticipation of an orgasim!And this happened in less than two weeks time. It really did happen that way. We made love one Sunday evening, then my cycle started that Monday morning. That Saturday, he could not hold back his ejaculation, and ad since then, when I would try to initiate any sexual contact he would pull away.

When I finally brought it up to him about how frustrated I was(and still am), he angrily said,”Well, I AM 50 years old!” “What? Am I not satisfying you? If not then I’m sorry!” That’s when I started to cry. Because he did not say it as if he really was concerned about my not being satisfied. I did not want to bring up my frustration to him, because I was afraid that it might hurt his ego. You know men are very sensitive about thier ability to perform. I thought that I had tactfully brought the subject up and was as sensitive about what and how I said what I did. The sad thing is, is that he has not tried to ensure my pleasure neither.

We had this “conversation” two weeks ago, and had sex once since then. Really dissappointing for me. He claims that he tried to wake me up when he came to bed after doing his school work last night. I told him that I was aware of his “attempt”, and that one rub of his hand over my backside was not much of an attempt to me, because when I adjusted my nightgown and turned to him, he had already turned his back to me. Great attempt huh?

Yeah, I still love him, but is My love going to be enough?