Carlal’s Weblog

A suburban mom, her family, her life, and her world views.

Archive for love

Yeah, I still love him… & I’m smiling again!!!

We did it! Right now I am so happy that I cried! My husband and I made love just like we used to, and we both achieved an orgasm! Seems like something so common, but it really gives me hope.

This time, he tried. He held back and made certain that I was enjoying things also. It was not as powerful as it has been, but it was powerful enough! 🙂 although he did scare me with the magnitude of his release!

What happened to change the course of events, I do not know. All I know is that I had left a message with the kids to tell him that he had to call his mom because, her house was broken into. I had to take our oldest son to The Men’s Warehouse to pick up the tux for tomorrow nights prom. His girlfriends prom is tomorrow. Anyway when we get back, my husbands truck is still in the parking area of our home. I go in and climb up the stairs to our bedroom, and ask him what was going on with his mother. He tells me that it was the other house and not the one she is living in and that he was waiting for me to get home before he left. He was in the office, doing homework. I entered the office and gave him a kiss on the cheek. as I turned to leave, he grabed my hand and stood up. He then proceeded to tell me how good I looked, and pulled me to him and kissed me. A deep sensual kiss. My knees buckled, as I was not expecting this. I kissed him back and he began to run his hands up and down my back, until he captured my head in his hamds and made sure that I melted! He mumbled something about having to check on his mother, and I mumbled something back about it bieng okay for him to leave. But he didn’t move away from me, instead his hands went underneath my shirt and the rest is blissful history!

We talked afterwards, about how hurt I still am, but how much I still love him. He tried to reassure me that he loves only me, and I think that I believe him. He says that he is trying to understand that the magnitude of the pain I feel is not something that I will get over easily, but that he wants to let me know that I am the only person he ever wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He asked me to once again, to forgive him. He said that he does not understand his idiocy, and why he would have done something that he knew would hurt me if I ever found out. He says that he loves me, and yeah, I still love him!

Yeah, I still Love him…

If you have read anything at all on my weblog, you know that I am married. And you might have even gathered that I am dealing with the fact that my husband has had an affair. He claims that it was only via the internet, yet I do not know if I can really believe him. The fact that he stepped outside of our marriage to another woman period, has undermined any trust that he is truthful with me.

If he would have ended all contact with her the night he found out that I knew about his secret, and had not just cried and pleaded for forgiveness. Then perhaps I could trust him. Even if he had ended things the second time I found out he was still in contact with her. But now, after the third time, do I trust him? Of course not. But do I love him?

Yeah, I still love him….

Carlal

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is to be my first post. Here I go I am now blogging!

Hello  world! You will know me as Carlal.  I am a mother of eight beautiful children and a wife of one man whom I deeply love.

I have started this blog site because even though there is much love for my husband, there is deep resentment also, and I have a need to express myself.

Our relationship has been a tumultuous one, and not one that many would find appealing nor could understand how it has lasted as long as it has.

I am going to throughout the time I spend formulating this site , take you with me into our past present and hopefully future.

But first, I want to make a statement.

Although at times it may seem as if I am blaming my husband for all of the battles we have encountered in our relationship, that is not how I feel. I am deeply aware that it always takes two to tango, and that no one person is ever without blame.

Men, I implore you to comment on what I write and to help us women to understand you better. Women, do not believe that your “feelings” override your man’s feelings. And both men and women, TRULY CONSIDER your mates feelings and positions on issues.

Be respectful of one another.

Carlal.